Thinking
April 3rd, 2008
Life keeps moving on. It is kind of funny that way. Its unrelenting
march forward makes the times you would wish it would stop unbearable. That is the way I felt almost two years ago.
Samuel’s death was like a body blow followed with and uppercut. Life moved on
while I was on my knees. To this day I am not sure if I have actually truly grieved
his death. You see the fact that life moved on meant I could not stop and let
it pass me on by. I had children who needed me, a funeral to plan, and a job to
go back to. I am not blaming them it was just reality. I am now thinking I should have stopped
anyway, because I think that life is starting to pass me by anyway.
After two years I am realizing that
this is entirely unfair to my wife and kids because they have noticed long
before I was willing to admit this to myself. It is also not fair concerning
the ministry I am trying to start through this blog. So this post is sort of a
confessional. I am also asking for something that I generally do not ask for.
That is prayer for myself, that I can find the spark that I knew years ago,
that I will find the peace I am looking for, and that I will quit making
excuses to my self for not facing the reality of my son’s death.