On Wings of Eagles

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Writing has been difficult for me of late. I wish I could point to a simple reason of why, but it is never simple.  I seem to do better when I have a topic to write on, such as Eric’s question on the resurrection.  In fact I thrive on it. But sitting down and simply coming up with a topic has been hard. I am probably whining, but I had to get it off of my chest.  It seems this year has been one of blow after blow after blow.  Hard to get up and stagger around after all of it.  It started with the ministry.  Things were going well, the concepts and ideas, kept pouring in.  To say the least I was on fire.  Then things fell apart around me.  The thing is I am not sure how much of it was my own hubris, the enemy’s interference, or Jehovah simply kicking me in the rear to get my act together.  I suspect the latter is what is going on right now.

You see a year ago I was CERTAIN of the direction of the ministry, who was going to be involved, what was going to happen, and how.  Hubris on my part, I had it all planned out, forgetting that it was not about me.  I think that is when I allowed my judgment to be clouded about who I wanted to help.  I reached out to people I thought I knew, and learned how much I did not know.  In retrospect I think it was a lesson well learned. It has also shown me that just because I am called as a prophet does not mean that I am not subject to my own whims and desires, then attributing them to His plans.

Pride is an interesting sin.  I don’t mean that in a good way either. Pride can make you think that you are not proud at all.  The most humble of servants, the deception of your own heart.  Usually you don’t catch it until it all falls down around you, as it did to me.  You see I think I took a certain amount of pride in my calling, that somehow I was better than others because of the nature of my calling.  Called to be on the outside of the “leadership” calling that same leadership to a higher more pure relationship with Yeshua.  After running, I kind of took a certain pride even in the reluctant nature of my acceptance. Pride to some extent even formed Eagle’s Wings.  It was out of hurt, frustration, pride in my calling as a prophet, after getting my teeth kicked in by a more “establishment” ministry that I believed (and still do) could use someone of my talents and calling, I formed the concept for Eagles Wings.  Pride said I would show them just how valuable I am, and could have been for their organization. Pride then fooled me into believing I was hearing from Jehovah about whom was to be involved in Eagle’s Wings.  That is when I really got my first dose of reality.  The enemy took my pride and twisted it to make me doubt everything about my calling. Jehovah has been, interestingly enough, using that defeat to wring out who He wanted all along. This has been done mostly through His favorite foil with me, my lovely wife, Birdie.

What is going to happen with Eagle’s Wings, I am not sure, but I am sure it will not die.  Just because I did something in pride does not mean He cannot or will not use it for His will.  I have a long way to go, but I am surrendering to His will, His desires for this ministry.  Al I ask are your prayers for me and my family, while I allow Yeshua to open my heart and show me what He wants me to do.

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